Fangirl: Too Old For This?

 

I've seen a lot of social media posts lately from people being told they are too old for their fandoms.  But really, can you ever be too old?  

I get it, not everyone understands the obsession.  I am almost 45 and I still wear t-shirts and have backpacks and purses sporting various fandoms.  I just bought a Harry Potter duvet cover for our bedroom (I'm lucky my husband doesn't mind my fangirl passions!)

How is it any different from supporting your sports team? (I proudly do this as well.) I also dress in team gear for my daughter's dancer competitions.  As a fan of the arts, I think it seems a natural progression to support other things I adore in the same manner --from television shows to characters.  

It used to drive my mother crazy, though she never said anything.  Why couldn't I dress like an adult?  Well I can dress like an adult, when the occasion calls for it.  But I'd rather have fun and enjoy myself.  It's an expression of who I am, and as far as I'm concerned you are never too old for that.

Let's Try This Again

It's been seven years since my last blog post (no, that's not a cheesy movie opening). It was an experiment to begin with and apparently it didn't stick; now all the cool kids are vlogging --which is definitely not for introverted ol' me.  But I miss writing, so maybe I'll give this another shot.

So much has changed in the last seven years.  I lost a mother, a mother-in-law, and a grandmother-in-law.  We laid to rest one dog and adopted another.  I am an aunt five times over and about to be a great-aunt four times over.  I went from working part time to working full time.  I've lost weight and gained weight.  I developed a peanut allergy, and possibly lost it as well (I know, wacko, right?)

But most importantly, my daughter has grown into a teenager.  She gets all her maddening habits from me (gosh, I'm annoying to live with!) and her fierceness from her Dad.  She amazes me daily with her self confidence and kindness... and her inability to manage time.  She is a strong, independent young lady ...who can't cook herself a meal.  She's feisty and sassy but still empathetic.  She's a black belt with pointe shoes.  She's an actress and a writer.  I couldn't be more proud of the young lady she's becoming.  

So let's see where this leads --will I be able to keep it up while working full time and being a dance mom and talent manager?  We will see...

Kindergarten Assessment

This week my daughter had her Kindergarten screening. While registering her for Kindergarten made me a little sad and nostalgic, the assessment was exciting. Not because of the assessment itself but because, as we were touring the school I could see all the wonderful and exciting experiences that lay before her. Her eyes were round with wonder as she took it all in ...and she was disappointed when she couldn't stay and start immediately.  Honestly, I wanted her to jump right in too.

She's like a little sponge, absorbing everything, forming connections. I love the way her little mind works, picking out patterns others don't always see. Sometimes it's exciting to watch her grow...

Who Are You & What Have You Done with Jenn???

I know this is weird, but I don't feel like reading lately.

*gasps*

I don't know why. It's very strange. It isn't that I haven't been loving what I've been reading, I have, but I keep having to push myself to pick up a book. For example, I am adoring what I'm currently reading but it's a chore to do so. I always have a book with me and usually use every spare minute to get a few pages in. Even now I could be spending my time reading, but I'm typing this instead.

In all the years since I learned to read, I don't remember this ever happening before. At work I'm either working through my lunch or if I take a lunch lately I'd rather be checking in on social media. Even in the evenings I find I'd rather be catching up on things on the DVR or watching something on Netflix. At this rate I'll never make my Goodreads goal of 80 books for the year as I'm already so far behind.

I'm a little flummoxed with my current reading apathy.

Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Thoughts on Getting Older

Yesterday I turned 37 and it set me to thinking... when did birthdays go from being exciting to unimportant?  I think it must have been when my daughter was born... a complete alteration of perspective.  I'm just marking time, while she's growing and learning.

I had several people say to me,"Wow. I didn't think you were that old!" which I know was meant as a compliment, even if it was a little back handed.  In truth, minus the arthritis, I don't feel 37; perhaps that makes the difference.  I'm still me.  The same person I was when I was my daughter's age... and that always comes as a surprise to me.  Maybe it was all the reading as a child, but I always thought when I grew up I'd be different, feel different, grow into a different character?  (I'm not sure I'm explaining it all that well.)  I think the only sad thing about getting older is realizing I'll never be able to know it all... I can't learn everything, but it won't stop me from trying.

The physicality of getting older doesn't bother me yet (except the arthritis, but that I've had for years).  The 'will I die my hair when there are too many grey's to yank out' bit, the shape of my body, none of it seems all that important in the grand scheme of things.  Although,  every once in a while I look in the mirror and for a flicker of a second I see Gaius in my reflection.

Is that what it means to grow old gracefully?  I don't know that 37 can be considered old enough to count towards that particular expression, but I certainly see it dawning on the horizon.

Thinking about all this had the start of a Lewis Carroll poem rattling around in my head all day yesterday, and my new found appreciation for it made me smile:

"You are old, Father William," the young man said,"And your hair has become very white;And yet you incessantly stand on your head—Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

John Tenniel's illustrations of the poem

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,"I feared it might injure the brain;But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,Why, I do it again and again."

2012 Books in Review

Usually I do my end of the year wrap-up post on our Girls Just Reading Blogspot but we've been pretty busy with posts over there... So here are the stats:

My Goodreads Challenge:  75 Books
Books Read:  76*
E-Books: 45
Hard Covers (& a few paper backs): 31

*Some of these were novellas but I read some novels twice (all of the Cassandra Clare books) and I re-read the Harry Potter books ~they aren't counted on my list), etc. so I think it evens out that I've finished this challenge.

My least favorite books read are few and far between, but there were some books I did not appreciate this year.  These are authors whose writing style I did not enjoy so I doubt I will read anything further from them.  The exception is Mr. Grossman whose literary voice I liked but whose story I didn't.

•  Dogs Have Angels Too by Sarah Cavallaro  
•  The Thirteen by Susie Moloney 
•  Shadow Spell by Jenna Black 
•  The Magicians by Lev Grossman
•  Glass Houses by Rachel Caine  

There were some magnificent reads this year too.  With 75+ reads one might think it would be hard to pick favorites; there were many.  Some of my favorites came from challenges, some are my favorite authors who rarely fail me, some were books I've been trying to get to for some time, and some were requested reads.

These were the read's that I rated 5/5 but there were many others that came close.

Here is what made the top of my list this year:

• The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern - this was completely unexpected and has actually made the list of all time favorites. The writing was magnificent and the story was ingenious.  It was beautiful, and I think I shall be re-reading it again soon.
• Taken at Dusk (Shadow Falls, #3)  by C.C. Hunter - this is one of my favorite series and it just keeps getting better. I look forward to the series conclusion in 2013
• The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick - a beautiful multi-media display. Scorsese did a good job with the film, but the brilliant innovation of Selznick's masterpiece is not to be missed. 
• Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare - once I picked it up, I couldn't put this series down. I read the first three books back to back... And then I read them again. (I've only read the first half of the series because the sixth book won't be published until September of 2014 and I don't want to be left hanging like that. 
• Infernal Devices series by Cassandra Clare - everyone told me that this series was better than the Mortal Instruments; I didn't think that was possible... but it is!  The third book will be out March 19th and I can hardly wait.  Both of these series are going on my all time favorite list!
• The Winds of War by Herman Wouk - this is one of my favorite made for TV miniseries and, true to form, the novel is even better, though I must say that thanks to Herman Wouk's involvement in the project, it's very close. This is heavy with history, but a fabulous WWII read. 
• The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan - I loved the Percy Jackson series and the last book was by far my favorite. I hope to start Mr. Riordan's Heroes of Olympus this year before I move on to Egyptian mythology with the Kane Chonicles.  
• Tempest by Julie Cross - I am fascinated by time travel stories... always have been, but they are hard stories for authors to pull off well... Ms. Cross does it superbly.  It was creative and refreshingly original.  I can't wait to see where she takes it; I won't have to wait long because book two comes out January 15th.  
• A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness - there was a ton of hype surrounding this one, and it truly lived up to it.   While I enjoyed the next book in the series, it was far more cumbersome and it was only my love of the first book that pushed me through. I look forward to the third installment.
• Perfectly Matched by Heather Webber - we love the Lucy Valentine series at GJR (no, really, go read it!) and this is the fourth book in the series. It was fantastic and has me eagerly awaiting Lucy's next adventure. 
• Frozen Heat by 'Richard Castle' - This started out as a way to aussage the Castle hiatus blues, but I've really come to enjoy these books in their own right. Is there some cheese there?  Sure.  But it's really well written and pulls me in, and that's kind of the point isn't it?
• Howl's Moving Castle by Dianna Wynne Jones - ok, this is one of my favorite books from my childhood, and it still an all time favorite. I get something different out of it every time I read it.  Ms. Jones was a master and I think I will spend some time reading and reviewing more of her books for GJR in 2013
• Ransom River by Meg Gardiner - I adore Ms. Gardiner's two series, so it stands to reason that I would adore her new stand alone novel too.  I love her voice, I love her strong female characters, I love her dry wit.  I love every book she writes.

I'll think I'll keep my 2013 reading goal at 75 or so, because I did come down to the wire on it.  I cannot wait for another year of reading...  just looking at my TBR pile makes me want to dive in!

Jennifer's favorite books »

So on Monday there was this article in the NY Times:  

More Dads Buy the Toys, So Barbie, and Stores, Get 

Makeovers

"Fathers are doing more of the family shopping just as girls are being steered toward toys that develop math skills."

When I first saw this article, I was more than a little offended... 'Really, Toy Industry?!?  Because as a mom I wouldn't buy my daughter Legos or science related things?!?'  But then I got to thinking.  I don't care what the motivation for it is, as long as they're doing it.  I would have loved Legos when I was little, but you just didn't buy those kinds of things for little girls back then.  I don't blame my parents; it was a generational mindset.  

My daughter loves to build things.  She loves science. And I love that there is girl friendly stuff out there for her to interact with.

So in the end, I don't care that they're doing it for the wrong reasons, as long as they're doing it.

What do you think?

Self Published Finds

At the start of the month I read a blog post by Julie over at A Tale Of Many Reviews about a self-published author with who's books she had fallen in love. I had a similar experience, and her article started me thinking about how self-published authors don't get nearly the recognition they deserve. Yes, there are some truly awful self-published books out there, but there are also some terrific ones that deserve acknowledgement.

For example, I highly recommend Wendy Raven McNair's YA superhero teen love story trilogy, Asleep. The writing is a rich and compelling with a strong central female character. I reviewed the first two books on Girls Just Reading this year (Asleep Review, Awake Review) and am anxiously awaiting the third and final installment, Ascend.

So until the end of January, in honor of Ms. McNair and other talented self-published authors out there, I want you to share your self-published favorites here, whether it be a link to the author's site or a link to your review of one of their books. Feel free to link under appreciated indie authors too!

Holiday Treat

A few years ago, I got my first bread machine and broke up with my grocer's bakery.  Then the bakery came out with a seasonal chocolate bread.  Yes,  that's right.  Chocolate and Bread.  These are a "few of my favorite things."  It was heavenly.

I asked them for the recipe.  No dice.  I tried others from online but they were never really chocolate-y enough.  It has taken me years to replicate it.

  (And it still may need some tweaking so if you have suggestions after making it, by all means let me know!)

So my Christmas treat for you:

Chocolate Bread (1.5lb loaf)

(This is a bread machine recipe, but I'm sure it could be modified) 

1-1/4 c milk

1-1/2 t vanilla

1 egg

3 T brown sugar

6 T cocoa powder

3/4 t salt

1 T butter

3 c bread flour

1 t active dry yeast 

1 c chocolate chips * 

Add ingredients in order, reserving the chocolate chips for the add in "beep".  If your machine doesn't have an "add in" beep, it's the 3rd kneeding session (about 1/2 an hour in). Set for sweet bread, 1.5 lb loaf. 

I love it toasted with butter.  Hubby loves it (un-toasted) with peanut butter.  You get the idea...


Enjoy!

A Reading Challenge

I don't tend to participate in reading challenges.  They're usually designed with certain books in mind or time limits that are unattainable for me.  But Girls Just Reading's friend Adam over at Roof Beam Reader is hosting a challenge that is perfect for me, to finally read 12 books from your "to be read" pile, within 12 months.

"What?!?"  You're asking,  "That doesn't sound so hard!  You read thirty-some books a year!"  

While this is true, I'm actually only skimming the surface of my TBR Pile.  Often times new books and/or requested reviews get pushed to the top of the pile and other things, things I really want to read, get lost in the mire.  This will be a chance to make sure I get to read some things I really want to read and haven't had a chance to yet.  My list won't be quite as lofty as Adam's (who's list includes authors like Dickens, Hemingway, Vonnegut, and Updike), but it will be varied.  I'm excited.

Now for the hard part... to construct the list.  (EDITED TO ADD:  The list is up!)

Want to participate too?  Here's a link to Roof Beam Reader's 2011 To Be Read (TBR) Challenge.  You need to have your list posted be 12/31, so start compiling... :)

Movie Review: Tangled

I haven't seen a Disney movie in the theatres since I was my daughter's age.  I've never really felt a burning need to do so.   But I love Zachary Levi, and I thought, 'well, my daughter's got the attention span and loves princesses of any kind, let's give it a try.' (For a few weeks shy of three, I think she did really well, too.  She's still recanting the story of "Parunzzel" and wants to know why we can't watch it on TV.)

 I think the movie is brilliant. Although I loved The Princess and the Frog, I thought it was a little dark with all the Voodoo and creepy shadows.  While Tangled has it's scary moments, they aren't spooky. Its witty and charming and I'm not just sayin' that because Zachary Levi is in it! The scene at the 'Snuggly Duckling' pub was a hoot.  And it's not just the dialogue, but the animation as well, because Maximus, the horse of the Captain of the Guard, and Pascal, Rapunzel's pet chameleon, have so much personality that they become main characters too.  I even thought there was a nice little twist to the ending that I didn't see coming.

I love that this is another installment of a Disney movie where the princess can fend for herself.  (You can count those on one hand.)  She may have a lot to learn about the world after being locked away in a tower, but she's not going to accept anything at face value.  It's also one of the few Disney animated movies where there isn't a dead parent. (Think about it, there aren't many. The only other one I can think of is Mulan... EDITED TO ADD: Sleeping Beauty -thanks, Amy!)

The music is also fabulous. It's not Newman's incredible jazz score from The Princess and the Frog, but it's Menken at his best.  Mandy Moore is not a bit pretentious or over done, something I respect about her.  She's perfect (as my daughter would say).  And Donna Murphy, who plays Mother Gothel, knocked it out of the park.  I actually mistook her for Vanessa Williams while watching.  Zachary Levi even gets a few bit parts to sing, and it's a shame they didn't give him more, because he really can sing.

Every once in a while a song really resonates with me, such as 'Home' from the Broadway production of Beauty and the Beast. Such is the case with 'I See the Light'.  It's beautifully animated to be sure, but the lyrics are haunting and the song brings tears to my eyes.

It was smart and funny and everything you could want out of a Disney movie.  Like my kidlet, I can't wait to see it again.

Movie Review: Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows

I know many people were unhappy with the last movie.  I wasn't one of them.  I thought Half Blood Prince captured the spirit of the book, even though so much had been cut, which is something I found lacking in Goblet of Fire and Order of the Phoenix.  This movie blew me away though.  So much so that I was ready to go back to the theatres the next day and see it again just to take in any details I might have missed.  Deathly Hallows, Part 1 is the closest any of the movies have stuck to the book since Philosopher's Stone.

Even the dialogue is as close if not closer than ever before including some of my favorite lines, "Always the tone of surprise," and some new gems, "Dobby didn't mean to kill anyone. Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure."

It started with the Dursley's leaving, and though I missed the awkward goodbye scene with Dudley, it was a small thing.  Lupin's self doubt was omitted as was Potter Watch, but not to the detriment of the film in any way.  The only part that was slightly awkward for me was that they threw Bill Weasley in, when, for six movies, they've ignored his and Charlie's existence.  But it was a quick introduction and it was forgiven as soon as the action started...

Read More on Girls Just Reading

Identity Theft is...

...so frustrating. 

I bought my daughter replacement straws for her sippy cups, and the company's information was hacked.  I received one of the standard issue letters from them and really didn't think much of it at the time.  I've received similar letters before but nothing's ever come from it. 

Not this time.

I went to use my bank card and it bounced.  I knew that couldn't possibly be right so I checked.  Sure enough, there were almost $500 worth of charges that weren't mine. I called the companies immediately and had them cancel the orders.  No problem, I thought.  I've caught them before the charges actually went through.

BIG PROBLEM.  A week later, I went to pay my bills for November and found I didn't have the funds to do so.  Even though I had the charges canceled by calling the companies to whom the fraudulent charges were made, my bank is still charging me $150 in over draft fees.  I called the bank thinking there must be an error as I canceled the charges before they even went through.  No error.  Because the money was held, it was subtracted from my account.  The bank will not reimburse these fees until both companies write letters stating they don't reimburse fees caused by fraudulent charges (Seriously?!?  There are companies out there that DO reimburse fees to non-customers for charges that aren't their fault?!?).  I felt ridiculous even asking for such a letter, but if it was going to cancel the charges?  So that's what I did.

Another week has gone by and still my money has not been returned.  Called the bank this morning because I am now in desperate need to pay my now overdue bills.  The letters did not meet their specifications.  One didn't list the charges separately, another didn't state the charges were erroneous...  you get the idea.  This morning I am calling business AGAIN requesting letters.

It's rotten not to be able to pay your bills for reasons out of your control. Even more so at this time or year.  I can't use any of my credit cards, as I haven't made November payments, and have no money in my bank account.  It gives a whole new appreciation for those that are out of work and can't make ends meet. 

The funny thing is that it took more than 2 weeks to get the replacement straws from the company so, I finally just ordered them through Amazon.  It's what I should have done all along, order from Amazon.  The straws from the original order finally did arrive, but I had already vowed never to order from that other company again.  This fiasco has only strengthened that decision.

And so it begins...

Still hard to believe, but my little one turns three in less than a month. She also received her first school birthday invitation last month, and that got me thinking, I guess it's time for a kids party.

I am not brave enough to allow a bunch of toddlers into the house so, after much investigation, we chose one of our favorite places, Rolly Pollies.  Kidlet takes classes there and I know that the facility is clean and they will be well supervised. 

When it came to gifts, though, my husband and I decided against it.  Because her birthday is between Chanukah and Christmas (both celebrated in our house), she gets plenty of gifts. Quite frankly, my daughter doesn't need tons more toys. Besides, it's a hard time of year for some families to come up with an extra gift...

So we are asking instead that donations be made to our local pet rescue, Black Dog, Second Chance.  (We considered perinatal hospice, in honor of my friend's daughter, but thought that might be a little too much for a three year old's party.)  We have a rescued black lab, so it's a cause that's near to our hearts.  It can be something as small as a can of dog food or a dog toy. 

My father thinks I'm taking away from the excitement of birthdays.  But at this age, I think most of the fun is playing with all your friends.  Anyway, she still has a family party with gifts...  and I think it's importat that she knows that there are more important things in life than presents.

A Struggle



Perinatal  Hospice

Today is a struggle.  It is the anniversary of the death of my best friend's daughter.  She was born with Trisomy 18 and outlived her life expectancy of a few days to almost make it to being a month old.  While I'm sure today is much harder for my friend, her husband, and son, I can only speak from my point of view. 

Last year this time, I was angry.  Angry that such things still happen in our world of modern science.  It was cruel.  I do believe in a supreme being, but I was angry at Him/Her too.  It was a hard anger to let go of, and it took me well into the new year to ease out of it.  This year I'm just sad.  Sad that my friend and her family are hurting and there's nothing I can do to help. 

However, it always reminds me to hug my own daughter.  And to have patience no matter what, because I'm lucky she's here with me every day.

Two Too Young

So my two year old kidlet started pre-school this month.  My husband & I found a program we were comfortable with and she's having a blast.  I was suprised, however, by how many people questioned our decision.  For us, it seemed an obvious thing to do.  I understand if a child isn't ready, developmentally, but if they are, why not?!?  There is so much out there to learn, the sooner they start the better!

"Bouquets of Sharpened Pencils"

I love fall. Sitting at my computer listening to the sounds of children at the bus stop waiting for their first day of school gives me a sense that all is right with the world. Labor Day has always been more like New Year's to me than, well the the day we change the year on the calendar. It signifies new beginings, and school supplies, and apple season, not to mention the some of mother nature's most beautiful canvases.

Why do I get excited over school supplies? Probably the same reason I love the smell of new books. It is a harbinger of potential. Blank, crisp pages thrill me with the thought of what might soon fill them. An uncracked spine on a book fills me with exhilaration of things to be learned or stories yet to unfold. I believe that after years of schooling, Western culture approaches things with minds most open in the fall.

Apple season means cider, apple cinnamon raisin bread, apple-batter pudding, and apple pies ~some of the most comforting foods I know. Heartier meals are on the way.

It also means a crispness returns to the air and the crackle of beautiful foliage... and sweaters.

I can't wait to drink it all in.

Jenn's Review: Columbine by Dave Cullen

Yes, I know it's not April 20th, but I've been reading David Cullen's book Columbine, kindly provided to me by the publisher, TWELVE.   (My Review on Girls Just Reading) Whether it had been sent to me for review or not, I would have gone out of my way to seek this book, because Columbine had a profound impact on me.

Lots of people remember where they were when a tragedy occurs.  But I wonder how many of you remember where you were during Columbine?  Yes, it was a national tragedy, but unless you were a teacher or a parent at that time, I don't know how much of it stuck with you.  I was about to be a teacher.  I was in my second and final assignment as a student teacher, working in a high school with a sprawling campus not unlike Columbine's. The teachers I was working with had the television on in the classroom all day and we watched as the story unfolded in the media. I don't think I ever looked at a classroom full of students the same way again.

I will never forget the image of Patrick Ireland dangling out a second floor window.
 

I have vague recollections of the sign in the window, 1 Bleeding to Death, but that may have been from the day after, as the media didn't broadcast much live in an attempt at keeping the killers from knowing who was where and what was going on, if they were watching.  But the scared, bloody, half paralyzed child trying to crawl out a second story window?  That image is forever etched in my mind.

It was a media circus.  I cringed when the media started throwing around the term "Trench Coat Mafia".  I understand the motivation; having a name for something helps reduce fear of the object. News outlets are in the business of giving us labels. To be fair, it wasn't a term they created, there was a group at school who had called themselves that, but the killers, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold weren't part of it.  They happened to be wearing trench coats when the massacre started as a way to walk into the building hiding their guns and ammo.  Some students, naturally made a connection between killers in trench coats and the "Trench Coat Mafia." The reporters took it and ran with it, forgetful or oblivious to the fact that terrified victims rarely make reliable witnesses.

Then the media labeled them loners and "Goths" and my stomach turned.  I knew that didn't make sense.  You didn't major in the arts without interacting with Goths in the 90's. Not that it was impossible for it to be true, but it sounded like an easy scapegoat theory.  It was.

Columbine changed my philosophy of teaching.  It got me thinking about the way we label our students as if each one can fit into a box, good student, poor student, trouble maker... the essence is still the student.  Yes, some labeling is necessary, especially for the gifted and the learning disabled so that they may receive services, but if we are only invested in teaching the subject matter to the labels, we're doing everyone a disservice. 

As a soon to be music teacher studying at a conservatory, a lot of emphasis is placed on educating every student to the highest calibre musical standard, but let's face it.  How many students are conservatory bound?  Most of them are there for a love of music.  And while it's important to open their horizons, forcing them into a mold that doesn't fit them is poor teaching.  I didn't sacrifice my subject, but I choose a different approach and a different standard. You can always enrich a program for those who need it. But if you win the battle and loose the war, everyone suffers. 

As a teacher, I became known for collecting students.  I believed in reaching out.  I didn't reach everyone, but I knew I wouldn't.  I just wanted to make sure someone was listening to these kids.   This bothered a lot of seasoned teachers.  Some shook their heads and told me I was too invested. Some didn't understand. I remember it enraged one math teacher in particular.  Her student was failing math.  He shouldn't be coming to me during his study hall.  I explained to the teacher that he was bringing me his math for help, but that just made her more angry.  That was her job.  I remember telling the teacher, maybe he just needs it explained in a different manner, and reminded her that it was her prerogative to hold the student from leaving her study hall. 

The principal understood, and he supported me.  I was not so lucky in my next job.  The school was a poor fit for me. The principal was obsessed with autonomous control of his teachers as well as his students.  I wish I could excuse this behavior by saying it was an 'opposite' reaction to Columbine, but I'd interacted with him before.  It was just his personality. Though I taught music theory to a higher calibre than it had ever been taught in the district, I was less intense with my choirs.  My interest in the kids was perceived as a weakness and the principal made it his mission to get rid of me.  Needless to say, he was successful. 

Eleven years later, I view Columbine on a new level, as a mother and a wife of a teacher.  My husband works in a suburban school we jokingly refer to as "Degrassi", but we are aware that doesn't make it less susceptible to school violence.  He also listens to his students, and for that I'm glad.  Procedures and drills have changed, but every once in a while I remind him not to get himself shot.  We need him. This year, as I send my daughter to school for the first time, I know that I won't be able to protect her from everything... I can just be invested in her, her friends, and her education.  Hopefully that will be enough.

Creating a Food Snob

As I find myself making my two year old daughter a turkey, bacon, mozzarella sandwich with pesto on a spinach wrap, I'm keenly aware that I'm creating a food snob ~She likes a tuna melt with cucumbers, sour cream, and dill too!  She's as picky as most two year olds but she also has unusual tastes... such as eggplant parmigiana. Kids eat what they know though, so she comes by it honestly.

Though I consider myself a foodie, I'm a picky eater.  (I don't like spicy foods and I have texture issues too.)  I am however, a good 'trier'.  I'll try anything once (ask me about calves's brains, or maybe... on second thought, don't).  I like to cook and experiment with flavors and spices and so does my husband.  We also watch a ton of Food Network in search of new methods and ideas.  My husband and I are notoriously selective when ordering when we go out to dinner.  We hate ordering things we could make (and make better) at home.

The love of cooking, I received from my grandmother.  While her meals weren't fancy she made things from scratch and enjoyed doing it. She taught me how to make a Béchamel by the time I was seven.  (What better way to get a child to eat vegetables than by teaching her how to make her own cheesy-garlic sauce to cover them, right?)  She also wasn't afraid to try things or adapt her recipes either. When I discovered a love Asian cuisine, we learned to stir-fry together. I remember when microwaves came out and my grandmother was one of the first people I knew to have one.  We experimented with it all the time; my grandmother was determined we were going to figure out a way to make omelets in it... but we never did.  But all of this reminiscing got me thinking, that a lot of my food snobbery got started in my grandmother's kitchen.  Most of all, it started with the bread.

My grandmother and I used to walk to the super market once a week and we would buy fresh bread.  Toast was one of the few things I'd eat for breakfast, as my stomach is not interested in food in the morning and wasn't even at that age.  But I only ate toast for my grandmother.  My mom?  No way.  It took them a while to realize that what I was objecting to was sliced, store bought bread.  There is a huge difference in taste between the two, having to do with the preservatives companies put in to extend the bread's shelf-life. 

As I got older, this dislike of store bought bread turned into a dislike of sandwiches as well. It didn't help that I dislike all the ordinary condiments either (mayo, relish, mustard, or ketchup).  By high school I was eating salads or yogurts for lunch. Then in college I discovered wraps and condiments like brown sauce, grain mustard, and hoison, and sandwiches took on a whole new dimension for me. 

My bread snobbery culminated a few years ago with my husband buying me a bread maker.  It's been heaven!  Now I make all kinds of bread from herbed to chocolate.  The only thing I tend to avoid is sourdough, but mainly because it's too much work (my grandmother and I tried once and I remember it being a tedious process).  I'm eating toast (and bread) again.  I still prefer wraps over sandwiches, but I eat the latter with more frequency.

However, the lack of store bought bread in our home brings me full circle to my daughter.  For me, it all started with the bread.  I'm trying not to give her my bad habits, but I can't help but wonder, how will this second generation fresh-baked bread girl turn out?

My Themes & Variations

I've debated having a personal blog for a while now. Growing up, I was a big journaler. I used to furiously scribble my thoughts, struggles, and aspirations. After I met my husband, my journaling tapered off... I think because meeting him made me so happy that it eliminated most of the angsty drivel I used to scrawl. It also gave me a confidant the likes of which could never compare with an inanimate object.

Now, seven years later, I find myself composing thematic essays in my head. So I started to think that perhaps it's time for a new kind of journal, one on various themes and topics. But the thought of writing things out by hand doesn't appeal to me as much as it once did. It's too hard to edit, and I'm too much of a scatterbrain to organize my thoughts properly on first attempt. I hate scratch-outs on a page too,too messy...

Still, it seems odd to me to publish my thoughts into the void, but maybe it will will find someone and begin a dialogue somewhere. Perhaps it will start someone thinking about something they wouldn't have considered before. Maybe I'll learn something from you.